To be frank. This 4 days has been really tough of me.
I was consistently nervous, having palpitation, my heart racing non stop.
I thought I had a strong management skills over the students.
I thought that I wouldn't have any trouble handling all types of students.
I thought that the students would listen to me as they like me.
I was wrong.
Utterly wrong.
I over estimated myself.
2/3 and 2/1 proved me wrong.
Boys whacking the xylophone as though they are stabbing their worse enemies
Boys walking around as if they are in shopping centres
Girls talking non stop and refusing to listen to what I've said.
The cost of the mallets broken is enough for me to eat a day's worth of good food
I blamed the students. I hated them and was so disappointed in their behavior.
I kept asking why why why. Why did they behaved in such a manner?
Why did they not listen to me?
WHy did they blatantly defy me?
Why are they acting like monkeys?
What on earth are they thinking? Why is their brain so different from others?
When I cooled down, I began to reflect what went wrong.
I compared the lessons taught by my mentor and the lesson I conducted.
The students enjoyed his lesson. They were like little angels listening to him.
And they were devils in my class.
And I finally realized after so long that the fault lies with me
I am not competent enough!
I do not have the power and the 'aura' for them to respect this new, young and short trainee teacher.
And I started to feel really depressed.
I am not good enough. I am not good enough. I am not good enough. I am not good enough.
I am not a good teacher.
I am just like any teachers that can't command those mischievous classes.
But now. I will learn. I will learn to control the class.
I may not have the skill yet. But one day, I will have to stand in front of an NT class and make sure that they listen to me.
I will learn to be warm to them, yet holding the certain authority.
There are many years to come. One fine day, I may just find the correct way of handling them.
I will do it!
Gambatte!
