I can remember clearly how i struggled through all my sight reading
for those who dun understand what am i talking about, sight reading means playing a piece of music that you have never seen nor heard before almost immediately.
i failed sight reading when i was in Grade ONE.
and continued to fail a few grades of sight reading..

sight reading has always been a torture for me
i've been overly aurally trained!
play me a piece of music and i can play it back for u
dun give me something that i have never seen before....

have been avoiding the fact that i needed to brush up my sight reading...
bravely (or stupidly?) entered the exam, knowing full well that there will be sight reading.

results can only say the truth....
i can't lie to myself anymore...
i got 3/15!!!
how pathetic it is!!!!!

whole world is pushing me to retake.
how?
shld i?

many of you have heard me mentioning about the AIDS event.

some of you may have heard me complaining that i'm doing many many jobs...
was suppose to be some small fry as a PR, ended up involved in advertising, organizing commitee, and all of the sudden i'm in charge of the location, PA systems that cost more den 5k... etc. anything lost or if anyone complain they will find me.

finally it's over... (though the equipments have not returned.. will have to return it one monday)
huge huge sigh of relief.
tired out by all the carrying of equiments and tables and chairs... running NTU and NIE asking people to join our event... running around finding people to help us in our countdown... running around asking for donation...

my legs are aching... my back is aching...

but i feel a sense of satisfaction. Because i'm so involved in this event, it felt like MY event. When it's over successfully, it's sooo satisfying. tired, but happy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

next week will be a monster week for me.

monday: world music field work presentation
tues: pop music presentation
wed: ed psy II essay due
thurs: Secondary school music unit of work
friday: edy I essay due.

wao.... pray that i have the energy to complete next week....

 

ah yes... my headache is back
throbbing headache... everyday.

the last time i had such headache?
the final sem in NAFA

seems like i will have such dose of headache whenever i'm stressed

so what i'm stressed over recently?
stress over the ever increasing pile of assignments
stress over 人际关系
stresse over my future
stress over my medical condition
stress over my body... (while people slim down when that get hyperthyroid, why do i get fatter?!)
stress over my worship leading in nov
stress over my parents
stress over so many minute things

all these accumulate to..... mega headaches everyday!!!!!

before those worries get settled, it wouldn't go away.
sigh....

tell me how to get rid of the headache...
panadol?
i'll have an overdosage if i eat a couple more.

"booms!"
a word that is simply too familiar for every singaporean now...
someone who lost her crown just like that...

yeh... i admit...
i was one of those who laughed at the videos... (but you can't blame me... strutting down orchard road? with bigini? studying steel? sponsorERS even though interviewee kept hinting her????)
however after all those commotions..
i've start to feel sorry for her...
she's juz another 19yr old trying to live her dreams....
and yet she has to bear all these burderns.... and humliation that no one can imagine.

not my main topic today...
power of media.
a teacher caught holding hands with her bf outside the school
and the incident was brought up in STOMP.
what's wrong with everybody?
teachers should have their personal life too right?

students recording video on teacher's personal life
perhaps hugging in public?
post it on youtube.
booms. you are famous overnight.
principal haunts you for the reason
parents call you to complain
collegues scrutinize, backstab you....
and you become a burn out teacher
and you resign.

few months later,
my blog will have to be locked
my actions in public will have to be decent (not that i'm not currently..)
many many thigns has to be taken into consideration.

In this world, teachers are the 3rd group of people that always get public attention
people thinks that teachers must be perfect, flawless, genius... etc.
any little mistake will lead us to being famous for the wrong reason
all these are pressures are uncalled for.
we have a life.
we must have a life.
or we will have to 'strut' down to IMH for councilling.
(do you know teachers are the main client in imh?)

sorry for blabbering non stop
i'm just sharing my thoughts
will i quit blogging after i teacher?

there are too many incidents where students dig out teacher's personal blogs and spot those not-that-glam things. and they show it to the public...

it's... scary.

i'm starting to find that humans' intelligence can be so varied.
one day the person may be smart,
another day the person is completely dumb

other aspects includes high IQ, EQ = ZERO

in any case, i've realized that some people can be stupid beyond redemption
and it can cost your life.

i've lost my things. again.

yes... AGAIN.

u must be thinking - what's new?
sigh...

this time i'm really devastated.
why?
i've been trying so hard.
so hard.
no one knows.
no one understand.
i'm already trying to kick the habit of being careless.
i was so proud of myself when i didn't lose anything for 1 yr.
so proud that i bought myself a expensive wallet.
promising myself that i will not lose anything again.
it may sound stupid but u.
but to me it has already been a great achievement.

i made it a point to keep everything in my bag
made it a point to check for handphone and wallet whenever i leave somewhere
handphone, wallet, keys.
i will recite them everyday.

god is really quite unfair to me this time.
i did not forget anything. really.
so what happen?
i went for the sentosa skyride.
in the middle of the ride,
i let go my hand for one sec.
just one sec.
the bag slipped off the seat.
it dropped along the roadside.
within 5 minutes, my bag is gone.
some guy took it.

my expensive wallet, 150 bucks, keys, and my dad's camera
in my bag.
gone.

everyone has been reprimanding me.
one telling me that i should have held tight to my bag
one telling me that i should reflect on my actions

i know. i do know.

i'm really disappointed in myself
all the effort i put in. juz to not lose anything.
and i lost the entire bag.
the bag and the wallet that has so much sentimental value.
gone.

disappointed that i've made the day bad
so much for spending time.
so much for enjoying the day together.

why am i juz so careless?
why can't i be like the rest?
why am i born so unlucky?

i lost more then 500 bucks.
the guy did not only steal my thigns
he stole away my morale

Wow~ How time flies...
In the twinkle of an eye, it's already wk 5
assignments are due soon...
quizzes, presentations... ya da ya da...

hmm... many many thoughts running through my mind now...
wondering why muz human relationship be so complicated...
why will people change...
why can't everyone juz work together happily?

people always tell me that...
i have to face the cruelty of the world.
what cruelty?
why muz eveyrthing be so complicated?
why muz people be so hypocritical?

sighh...
why muz we strategize everything so carefully?
why muz there be stupid politics?
why should i be stuck in between everything?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
alright....
enough of those emo thoughts..

Dr. Kan is a great lecturer!
lol.
those who know me will laugh.
i hated her to the core..

now i know what skills she has taught me
all the important knowledge she has imparted

those good essay writing skills
i have alreayd learnt them b4!
without knowing.

thanks to her...
how interesting....

alright... back to work.
(i realize i'm blabbering non-stop today haha)

 

no they do not.
i'm angry. i'm furious. i'm infuriated. i'm feeling indignant.

i CAN'T work with those art people. seriously.
they does not regard me as one of their team mates,
they do not appreciate my work.

they made me feel outcasted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i did some handicraft thing that they instructed me to do.
i finished.
they DID NOT EVEN LOOK AT IT.
THEY DID A NEW SET BY THEMSELVES WITHOUT TELLING ME.

omg.

how can u even do a powerpoint presentation without sourcing for information first?!
they do the powerpoint and ask me to anyhow crap some script.
HOW TO
DUN EVEN HAVE INFO!!!!!!!!

reli burning right now.
gosh.
i need a place to vent out my feelings.

 

nothing much recently...

assignments are due in many many weeks time...
all lumped together one...
awaiting death~

i've graduated!!!!
yahoo....

was busy researching about my homework...
decided to take a break.
realized that i have not blogged for a fair period of time

current status?
tired
both physically and mentally

slept late yesterday night. thus... tired physically.
dun ask me why tired mentally. actually i dun have much idea myself
i'm juz tired. tired of concerning, tired of talking, tired of doing my work, tired of everything

i want to go overseas.
if only...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

life in NIE is reli different of NAFA
i have a hell load of essay to complete.

yes. NAFA has essays as well (by dr. kan)
but at least, they have a specific topic. I will know what am i suppose to do]
but for NIE, they gave u a topic. THEY GIVE YOU NOTES AND INFORMATION
so now.. what am i suppose to do?
blur.

lectures are different as well
those with ppw slides, we will have to print them out b4 class (what a waste of paper)
those without ppw slides, worse. lecturer juz talk and talk. we have to find key points.
the problem with me is that, when i decide that the point is important, and i want to write it down, but once i write down the first 2 words, i forget the rest of the sentence.
was looking at my notes. Many of the points are incomplete. and i dun remember -.-

may god grant me a better memory please.
my brain is all cramped up
ESPECIALLY EDUCATIONAL PSYCHOLOGY.
dun understand today's 3HRS LECTURE at all.
so confused. trying my best to understand all those terms, all those concepts, all those theories... wad erikson theory.. ya da ya da... blur.

oh. and i'm sick now.
headache, dizzy spells, nausea, and... I'M FREEZING WHILE MY FRIENDS ARE PERSPIRING AND COMPLAINING THAT IT'S ULTRA WARM. my hands were like ice packs. dun ask me why. i have no idea....

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it's quite a beautiful song actually.
with beautiful harmonies and quite some nice blending
(apart from the piano)
this song reminds me to trust in God
everything has its own timing
God will lead us through the darkest moments
(can u hurry up and on the lights though?)(i'm tired)

here's the lyrics of the song

When I think I’m going under, part the waters, Lord.
When I feel the waves around me, calm the sea.
When I cry for help, O hear me, Lord, and hold our Your hand.
Touch my life, still the raging storm in me.

Knowing You love me through the burdens I must bear,
Hearing Your footsteps, let me know I’m in Your care,
And in the night of my life, You bring the promise of day,
Here is my hand, show me the way.

Knowing You love me helps me face another day,
Hearing Your footsteps drives the clouds and fears away,
And in the tears of my life, I see the sorrow bore.
Here is my pain, heal it once more.

-Part the Waters by Charles F. Brown

it's funny how we can stand our own shit smell
but faint when we smell other's pple shit.
aren't they suppose to smell the same?

=x

after one emo post previously..
here's something interesting to share...

haven't blogged for a long long time
has been really busy
though i don't have to go back to PRCS anymore (yes. 1 month is up)
i had to run here and there...
CGH, hougang....

i'm feeling soooo tired...

aug 11th is my piano exam
and i didn't have any time to practice at all
no time at all.

stressed and mentally exhausted.
i really need to be strong..

to my silent readers
please pray for brandon's recovery as well as mental strength
pray that he can overcome all sorts of obstacles...

thanks alot

So much for enjoying my school experience.

Relieved class for 2/3. The lengendary monster class.
i didn't know that it was that bad.

i went in.
once they saw me they started havoking. Run around. shout. Play. ignore me.
me: WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS?
them: at home! here! there!
%^&*
finally they greet me.
continue to monkey around

some played with the door
some throwed bottle cap
it was very bad.

the freaking princiapl came
2 of the students were caught loitering at 3rd floor when the toilet was at 2nd floor
i explained to him that i tried to control. but to no avail.
he stare at me giving me the disapproving me.(wth can i do man)

he went into the class.
obviously students would fear him. They stood up.
him: pick up the litters on the floor. shift the tables to the correct position.

and he turned to me. "This is the way to manage the class"
in front of the students
"why weren't you doing your job?"

what could i do?

when he went out the students taught that i 'pao toh' them
one student swear at me "kknccb"
ME: what did you say?
"KKNCCB!!!!" *giving me the look*
seriously. If i am not a teacher i would definitely slap him in front of everyone.
oh. not to forget swearing back at him.

students swear at me. principal humiliated me in front of the whole class.

it's really a bad day.

one word. exhausting.
physically...
need to adapt to waking up at 5.30am eveyr morning....

wah have to adapt to quite alot of thing recently...
god help me.

looking at all those students reminds me of the time when i was a sec school student myself
thinking that i'm old enough.
bahhh...
but i realized that.. however monsterous they may be.. there's always a cute side to them
it's only how we look at them.. and unlock their good side...

even those normal tech students...
if you are good to them, they will respect you.
like now.. when i see them in the canteen, bus stop... interchange..
they will greet me.. "hi cher".
for the girls... they will "hello ms teoooooooo"
sweet~

i taught 2 classes this week
sec 1 angel class...
and sec 2 NORMAL TECH CLASS

surprisingly...
they were very well behaved...
even the normal tech
they managed to sit thru the entire class without making much noises.
wooo hoo!!!!
my CT and school coordinating mentor were quite pleased with me.. wakakaka..
not bad.

but still... tiring la........................

waking up everyday at 5.30am is seriously not fun.
serious.
especially when u are having problems sleeping at night

toss and turn for 1hour before i can sleep everynight...
zzz

practically wasted my day away yesterday and today
slack at the staff room doing NOTHING.
at least i have the time table now.
tomolo will be the start of my observation.
like finally...

and yup.
my CT is my secondary school teacher
feels super weird haha
and the school hasn't changed at all...

4yrs ago i was a student there
and now i'm a teacher.

boys are reli boys.
scenerio: i walked pass the general office. boys sitting outside the office. probably kena detention or something

boy: good morning teacher!
me: (first time student greet so still happily) good morning.
boy: teacher today you look very pretty
me: thanks
boy: today only ar!!!
me: zzzz (walks away)

wad does that mean sia!!!
other days ugly la!
sian

sleep time
i officially have less den 6 hours off sleep.

1 month ago when i got the news that i'm going PRCS
i was over the moon. intoxicated. jubliant. elated. ecstatic.

however
as the day comes nearer
i start to think about the school i'm about to step into again
it's the school where everything started
all the memories. promises. relationship.
it started from that place.

i thought about the days in prcs
the days after prcs
and the days after graduation

anger took over me
it felt as if it is happening to me all over again
hurt overpowered the anger.
excruciating.
i cried.

the person whom i trusted before.
bah.

i forgave and forget.
i tried to make things back to normal
the person did not reciprocate.
and now. i can't forgive.

i've never felt this feeling b4.
and it's an awful feeling.

god~ take it away from me.

3 weeks old border collie....
ya i noe recently i've been very active in blogging
i'm BORED!!!!